Working on other things at the moment...

As most people that know me are probably aware, I haven't updated with anything in quite some time. I've been working on a new novel and a self-help book as of late, and I've also gotten back into acting, so I've been busy with that and with going back to school. I don't know if I will revive this blog anytime soon, but I wanted to tell all the people I consider friends that I miss them and they can keep in touch with me via Myspace.

-Shaun

Fisting: The Path To A VERY Close Relationship

You see? This is what happens when straight people stumble onto gay lingo. If you don't know what "fisting" really means, then you're lucky. I'm reminded of the time on Mythbusters when they were trying to see if you could really get a shark to go away by punching it on the nose and they were amazed that you can actually find a latex fist and arm in San Fransisco. Does a bear defecate in the forest?!?!

Ode to my Jockstrap

Taking the advice of an online friend, I decided to forgo my run - I hate doing anything outdoors in this blistering cold - and try jumping rope instead. Bad idea! Well, perhaps it's more appropriate for me to state that this is a bad idea if preparation for a grown man to bounce up and down, unsupported for any length of time is not made. Let's just say James and the Giant Peaches were moving like a speedbag for a midget boxer and I'm walking a bit funny today. There's nothing like pummeling yourself with your own genitalia.

Jockstraps: not just for gay porn anymore.

Protect The Sanctity of Marriage, Sign This Petition!

Christians who supported Proposition 8 in California to ban gay marriage have stated that they have done so without malice to protect the sanctity of marriage. Recently, I have seen several (poorly) designed shirts, posters and signs that have been released onto the Internets depicting a bathroom-style stick figure in pants, the addition sign (+), a skirted female figure, the equal sign (=) and the word marriage. Perhaps this is just my dyscalculia speaking, but I have always believed that marriage was about love, not math.

Gay activists have nonsensically responded to this loving stand with marches, rallies, calls to abolish divorce and even “A Day without a Gay” movements (an attempt to get homosexuals to call-in gay to work). These misguided individuals have obviously overlooked the love and care with which supporters of Prop 8 conducted their campaign to defend the holiness of their heterosexual marriages. It is clear to me that Prop 8 supporters have taken a decisive and necessary step in protecting their unions against the homosexual menace.

Individuals who supported Prop 8 have (with respect and compassion) protected their marriages from the threat of His and His bath towels, the mind-boggling prospect of deciphering whether Larry or Mark is “the man”, as well as having to ponder what it is, exactly, that lesbians do in bed anyway. With these potentially devastating circumstances in mind, I have decided to lovingly and respectful aid these ailing Christians in protecting the sanctity of their marriages… by moving to repeal the “no fault” divorce law in California, re-criminalize adultery and reinstate its punishment as prescribed in the Bible.

Adultery is one of the primary reasons cited for a divorce – despite an exhaustive search; I can find no evidence that anyone has ever cited “gay marriage” as the reason for their divorce proceedings. The Tenth Commandment clearly forbids adultery (although, oddly enough, none of the Commandments speak of the sin of gay marriage…) and that it is a crime punishable by death. Jesus taught that it is a sin (though he never mentioned that sex between two people of the same gender is at all sinful {?}). Adultery is a serious threat to the sanctity of marriage.

The re-criminalization of adultery would not only be beneficial (and Biblically compliant) to the institution of marriage, but would also aid in our country’s economic re-vitalization! Carpenters (Jesus’ profession) would receive massive influx of new business for the creation of stocks in which to keep male adulterers and seamstresses could make extra money sewing together scarlet ‘A’s for adulteresses.

Please, I ask you to sign my petition to repeal California’s “no fault” divorce law and re-criminalize adultery, and reinstate its punishment as prescribed in the Christian Bible by clicking here. I will be sending the is petition, once it has reached 50,000 votes, to California lawmakers so that they may consider doing God’s appointed duty and writing this archaic and out-dated mode of social control into law once again.

I would ask that you post this message, as well as a link to the petition on your blog or website, e-mail this message and link to possible supports, and tell as many other people as possible. Together, we can aid our heterosexual brothers and sisters defend the sacredness of their marriages.

Austin Original Lost Last Week

Just last week, Austin got a little less weird with the lost of homeless activist and advocate, Jennifer Gale. For those who don't know Gale, she was famous around Austin for her unsuccessful bids at elected city government positions (including mayoral races in Austin and Dallas) and for her work to better her community in general.

I'd only spoken to Jennifer a handful of times, and her ideas could be a bit out-of-touch with reality - she once circulated a petition to legalize a smoking section in the Frank Erwin Center, for marijuana smoking, that is... Regardless of her politics, her life as a homeless person, her political style (she was known to address the city council in song) or her elusive gender status (she was presumed to be a male-to-female transsexual, though she never identified her gender status in any public way - and why should she? I don't go around informing people that I was born male and identify as male), Gale was a caring and kindhearted individual with a passion for grassroots organization and the empowerment of her community. Austin is a little less weird, a little less vibrant for its loss of Jennifer.

I once gave Jennifer an impromptu elocution lesson at the campus Gatti's Pizza. She was studious in every sense of the word; she told me of how she was studying the Bible at the time and finding inspiration, as well as a few inequalities in the Word. She learned quickly, and it was my hope that she would be better listened to if only she could better express her ideas verbally - she had habit to stutter and mumble so as to make some of her better talking points unintelligible. Above all else, I could tell that Gale loved and cared for her community. I wouldn't hesitate to say that this world would be a better place if only more people like Gale took the same initiative to better themselves and the places in which they live.

Gale, who was homeless, was found dead sleeping out a church's steps early last week. The Austin city council has honored Gale by keeping her assigned time to address the council on the books and replaying a videotaped address she gave the council in which she sang "Silent Night".

Friends of Jennifer have asked that, if you wish to honor her memory, that you consider making a donation to the Austin-based charity and advocacy group House the Homeless.

Seven Deadly Things

I'm usually not one to post a meme, but I've been tagged by two of my favorite blogging buddies, Jebbica and Beej, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm supposed to post seven facts about myself that aren't common knowledge and then give you seven other blogs to check out. So, here goes...

1. Beej is the gay, blogging cousin of a rockstar with a new album out. I'm also the gay, blogging cousin of a rockstar whose band has a new album out. Can you guess which one? I'll give you a hint: he loves New York (in a fatherly way), but he's from the Midwest. We have a rocky relationship, but we were very close when we were younger. Another hint - he's six months older than I am and we have always been told that we look very much alike.

2. I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is a form of high-functioning autism. Because I've always had trouble identifying emotions, I learned to associate feelings with colors - mixed feelings make more sense to me when thought of as mixed colors.

3. I was a very messy eater growing up. I had the bad habit of rubbing all the food I ate at the back of my head before I put it in my mouth.

4. Somehow, I still hesitate to say or otherwise publicly release the names of people important to me in connection to the stories I tell about them if I am waiting on an outcome of some enterprise - whether business-oriented or personal - for fear of jinxing the whole deal.

5. I didn't learn how to snap until I was twelve.

6. I once kissed Jason Mraz backstage a concert (it was only a peck, but it was on the lips).

7. My great-great grandfather on my father's side was suspected to have been a member of the Jesse James gang.

Now, you should check-out:

1. Out With Me - Mitchel is an awesome nightlife photographer from Austin

2. BurntOrangeReport.com - An Austin website keeping Austin Weird

3. Best Gay Blogs - A great source of great gay and gay-oriented blogs

4. Gravy and Biscuits - A funny, Southern-fried take on Hollywood, run by my BBFF (blogging best friend forever), Jebbica

5. aeryn42 - She's on livejournal and you'll have to ask her to friend you if you want to see the really, really funny stuff, but it's totally worth it. I remember her from my days as weweregods

6. This is Illuminati - Okay, so Chris has been tagged by others, but I love his writing and his blog

7. Pink Sheep of the Family - Ditto for the circumstances above for this one, but I don't care. I can't go a day without my pink sheep fix.

P.S. - I'm including a picture from my youth as have others... You have to admit, I was a cute kid.

Drama-Free Birthdays

I'm twenty-nine years old today. I don't know why but it feels better spelling the entire word, rather than expressing it numerically.

You know? I don't actually care that I'm only one year away from the big three-oh. With all the shit I've been through, you couldn't pay me to go back to twenty-five. Besides, I have to celebrate every last second of this birthday, because it's got to last five more years before I decide to turn thirty. I'll just start celebrating the anniversary of my twenty-ninth.

No, no, really; I'm happy to be twenty-nine today. Mostly, I am happy that my life is becoming more drama-free with every year. So, in honor of the passing of my more emotional years, here's a list of the drama I wish other people would get over:

1) People who constantly threaten to delete their Myspace/Facebook/Livejournal account

Okay, I admit I was one of these people at one time, but come on! Grow up! I say this with all the Christian love and kindness I can possibly muster: get therapy or get the razor blade ready - remember kids; it's down the street, not across the road.

2) People who try to initiate text message conversations

Your English teachers should be bitch-slapped for letting you spell with numbers. In my book, text messaging is one step above smoke signals. If it's ease we're looking for in our communication, perhaps we should all learn semaphore and Esperanto?

3) Bikers who point rapidly in the direction they're turning, rather than learning the appropriate traffic hand signals

When I see some trog biking with a bright orange helmet and kneepads, pretending he's Lance Armstrong with Creatine in his water bottle that doesn't know the proper way to tell motorists that he's about to turn, I want to run him down just to prove my point. Don't worry about testicular cancer pal, you'll be lucky if you have one nut when I'm done.

4) This guy from Top Chef Season 4


I keep half-expecting Dr. House to hobble into the kitchen and call him an Australian homo.

5) Laffy-daffy little queens that think anyone over twenty-five is old

I'm not getting older, I'm getting better!

6) Horny midget twinks

I am 6'1". I'm only a little over average male height for a man in Texas, but I'm a giant compared to some men - especially those on the East coast. I went to all kinds of bars when I was in New Jersey (I love Italian men!) and I felt like I was walking into the Wizard of Oz during the Lollipop Guild's number.

By the by, one of the friends with whom I was traveling told the story of how he and a coworker were trying to ascertain whether or not I was gay - I'll get to this annoyance later - and mentioned that they tried to see if I would sing along with the song I Will Survive as it was playing in the sub shop across from the office, then an irksome little blonde twinkie who spent most of the night informing us all that he was the definition of a twink said, "I'll survive if I can be your top," to me.

I looked at him and replied, "Baby, you'd need a highchair just to reach my ass!"

7) Those that try to ascertain whether someone is gay or not with stupid, meaningless litmus tests

If you want to know whether someone is gay or not, ask them. It's the simplest solution. If they say yes, then they are. If they say no, then they still might be, but it's the most polite way of telling you that it's none of your business - which it isn't.

8) Women that refer to heterosexuality as "normal"

I am normal and I am gay. I am also autistic, which is also not referred to as “normal”, but non-neurotypical.

9) Women that seduce gay men

Look, I know gay men are better. We smell better, we know how to treat women, many of us like to shop and dance and don't worry about what other men think of us doing so...

Let me just put it this way: the movie Teeth just confirms everything I've ever believed about vagina.

10) People that don't think they are representatives of their communities

Look, we all live in a community, whether we like it or not. We are all apart of several different groups of people. It doesn't matter if you like it or if you don't, you are a representative of your community. The human brain is geared towards patterns; if we see one gay person acting a certain way, then it will pattern that behavior as being "gay". It's not politically correct - hell, it's not even correct! - but it's true. So get used to it and be a good ambassador for your community!