The US Treasury Department has a new czar in charge of the $700 billion dollar bailout in aid to Seceratary Henry Paulson, Neel Kashkari. Kashkari is the ex-Goldman Sacks vice president who was previously a Principal investigator at a California company that developed the James Webb space telescope and other NASA projects.
What the public doesn't know are the recuirements Paulson set when choosing his bailout czar. Luckily, I have deciphered his code. Here it is:
1) Kashari had to beat Paulson in two out of three games of Monopoly.
2) He had to agree to be called a "czar" as a sly, underhanded shot at the socialist system that allows our government to give $700 billion to private industry to save them from themselves, which all the talking heads will refer to (incorrectly) as communism.
3) He had to bear a striking resemblance to a bald eagle - what could be more American?
4) He had to have crazy-ass, psychotic, extra-chromosome-lookin' eyes - incidentally, he almost lost on this quality to Audrina Patridge.
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